Archive for May, 2008

House of Cards

{ May 10, 2008 @ 11:55 am } · { Life }
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I have spent a lot of time thinking over the past 2 days.  I am in a mild/moderate depression, so I generally don’t do anything except sit around and think.  I have come up with a good analogy for my life….it is like a house of cards.   Most of the time, things go wrong and a card falls but the main structure stays firm.  Then occasionally, something goes wrong and the card falls just the right way to tumble the entire thing.  I am mashed flat without even a foundation to stand on.  I just lie there, wondering how to rebuild or if I even want to.

So, I had a bad night Thursday night.  I honestly felt like I didn’t want to rebuild.  I am tired of rebuilding.  I am tired of fighting the unseen force in my life, and tired of wondering whether it is God or Satan I am fighting against.  Yesterday was a little better…we went out and had Mother’s Day lunch on a not-so-crowded Friday afternoon.  Then I got slammed again yesterday evening.  I was actually stupid enough to leave my purse in the buggy at Wal-Mart and got my wallet stolen.  So there goes ANY progress I had made during the day.  I am so tired of trying to fight against all this.  It is too much.  I am just one person, and frankly, I’m tired.  I’ve felt very numb for the past 20 hours or so.  I don’t know what to do with it.  I know I should try to do something, but I still just don’t want to.

I’m really not writing this to evoke sympathy in my 3 readers.  I just wanted to get my thoughts out.  Sometimes it helps.

Life List

{ May 3, 2008 @ 2:19 pm } · { Things I Want to Do }
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Brian and I started Life Lists a while ago…not sure exactly when, but we decided to actually write down the things we wanted to do during our lifetimes.   I like to make lists, and mark things off of lists, so this was a natural fit for me.  I actually bought Brian the book “No Opportunity Wasted” by Phil Keoghan (host of Amazing Race), which really breaks down the process and even gives you categories for your list.  Brian’s is posted on our family website, and mine is, well, in my head.  I had put it into my palm pilot, and then the palm pilot died.  So I wanted to resurrect it as best I could, and just add to it as I remember more things.  I only have a few at the moment, but I’m putting them down anyway.

1.  Run the ridge that Mel Gibson did in the movie “Braveheart”.

2.  See the butterflies in San Juan Capistrano.

3.  Swim with dolphins.

4.  Pet a zebra.

5.  Hang glide.

6.  Read all the books I own.

7.  Adopt a daughter.

8.  Adopt a child from another country.

9.  Visit the Holy Land.

10.  Witness the baptisms of all my children.

11.  Bring at least one person to the Lord.

12.  Home school my children.   (working on this one already!)