I have spent a lot of time thinking over the past 2 days. I am in a mild/moderate depression, so I generally don’t do anything except sit around and think. I have come up with a good analogy for my life….it is like a house of cards. Most of the time, things go wrong and a card falls but the main structure stays firm. Then occasionally, something goes wrong and the card falls just the right way to tumble the entire thing. I am mashed flat without even a foundation to stand on. I just lie there, wondering how to rebuild or if I even want to.
So, I had a bad night Thursday night. I honestly felt like I didn’t want to rebuild. I am tired of rebuilding. I am tired of fighting the unseen force in my life, and tired of wondering whether it is God or Satan I am fighting against. Yesterday was a little better…we went out and had Mother’s Day lunch on a not-so-crowded Friday afternoon. Then I got slammed again yesterday evening. I was actually stupid enough to leave my purse in the buggy at Wal-Mart and got my wallet stolen. So there goes ANY progress I had made during the day. I am so tired of trying to fight against all this. It is too much. I am just one person, and frankly, I’m tired. I’ve felt very numb for the past 20 hours or so. I don’t know what to do with it. I know I should try to do something, but I still just don’t want to.
I’m really not writing this to evoke sympathy in my 3 readers. I just wanted to get my thoughts out. Sometimes it helps.
Elizabeth Said:
on May 10, 2008 at 3:46 pm
I love you! I would be glad to trade problems if you want
lydia Said:
on May 10, 2008 at 7:34 pm
Stretching my arms from the boro to you for a BIG hug. I know depression and I know it hurts badly. My heart is aching for you and wanting you to hang on. I feel like a rotten friend these days and have felt sooo wrapped up in me world. Haven’t reached out to anyone much! Forgive! Try to rebuild one more time and maybe we can get some super glue for those cards so that they can’t fall off! I love you and your family and think you are neat! Okay and EVOKE SYMPATHY FROM YOUR THREE READERS, made me laugh, you probably didn’t mean it funny although. Chin up!
Tamara Said:
on May 11, 2008 at 10:27 am
I love you. I don’t have much more to say than that but I do love you VERY MUCH! You are a precious woman and while I know rebuilding SUCKS…I’m worth it..just kidding…I may not be worth it but I am somewhat entertaining and will work on that glue with Lydia…I’m thinking GORILLA GLUE! It’s supposed to hold ANYTHING together.
I love you Kristi…
Jennifer Boyd Said:
on May 14, 2008 at 8:06 pm
Ha! You have more than 3 readers! I make 4. I really enjoyed seeing you today. The cookies were awesome. Keep that chin up and know that you are loved. Hope to see you on Sunday night! Love ya.
Popularise Said:
on June 18, 2008 at 12:35 pm
Somehow i missed the point. Probably lost in translation
Anyway … nice blog to visit.
cheers, Popularise
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