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I’ve been running myself ragged lately.  I feel like I have gotten lost in life again.  A friend asked me yesterday why I was having a hard time, and I realized as I told him that I am in one of those places I have been before….just a few short steps from a depression.  I SO don’t want to go there again.  So I am fighting it so hard right now.  I’m just trying to get a grasp on everything.  And yet, spiritual experts tell me I should let it go.  Release it to God and rely on His strength.  Where is the balance?  How do I let it go and still get it done?  I know there are things I am doing that don’t HAVE to get done….but a lot of them do.  Especially the stuff related to school.  Man, if I don’t do that stuff I really will go crazy.  But all the rest seems important too.  I’ve been told lately (by various sources) how to be a better wife, how to be a better mother, how to be a better Christian example, how to have a conversational intimacy with God, how to watch out for any spiritual strongholds in my life, how to journal my prayer life, how to memorize scripture, how to be a good friend, here are some more Bible studies to join, you haven’t visited your family in too long, and hey, you REALLY need to read these 20 AMAZING books that everyone else has read.  IT’S CRAZY!  Where do people find time to do it all?  How do I take care of my family the way I am supposed to when I am trying every minute to remember HOW I’m supposed to be doing it?  Or feeling guilty because I should be spending more time with God?  I am just at a complete loss.  I’d try surrendering it but I just don’t have time!  Ha ha.  Trying so hard not to hate myself.  I really am.  I hate it when I do this.  Not enough….always not enough.  The story of my life.  The agreement I have made.  And I can’t unmake it because I believe it is true.  What a mess.