I’ve been running myself ragged lately. I feel like I have gotten lost in life again. A friend asked me yesterday why I was having a hard time, and I realized as I told him that I am in one of those places I have been before….just a few short steps from a depression. I SO don’t want to go there again. So I am fighting it so hard right now. I’m just trying to get a grasp on everything. And yet, spiritual experts tell me I should let it go. Release it to God and rely on His strength. Where is the balance? How do I let it go and still get it done? I know there are things I am doing that don’t HAVE to get done….but a lot of them do. Especially the stuff related to school. Man, if I don’t do that stuff I really will go crazy. But all the rest seems important too. I’ve been told lately (by various sources) how to be a better wife, how to be a better mother, how to be a better Christian example, how to have a conversational intimacy with God, how to watch out for any spiritual strongholds in my life, how to journal my prayer life, how to memorize scripture, how to be a good friend, here are some more Bible studies to join, you haven’t visited your family in too long, and hey, you REALLY need to read these 20 AMAZING books that everyone else has read. IT’S CRAZY! Where do people find time to do it all? How do I take care of my family the way I am supposed to when I am trying every minute to remember HOW I’m supposed to be doing it? Or feeling guilty because I should be spending more time with God? I am just at a complete loss. I’d try surrendering it but I just don’t have time! Ha ha. Trying so hard not to hate myself. I really am. I hate it when I do this. Not enough….always not enough. The story of my life. The agreement I have made. And I can’t unmake it because I believe it is true. What a mess.
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JaNNa Said:
on August 13, 2008 at 9:55 am
Dear Lord,
Swaddle Kristie up in your love today. Help you to know that you don’t expect perfection from her. Let her see the wonderful things that you’ve enabled her to accomplish. Guide her to the thoughts and people that will encourage her and be able to assist her. You created a woman who is devoted to you, her husband, and family. You know the desires of her heart. She needs to be able to see them in action. Let her know that you love her and not her list.
In your heavenly name.Amen.
Elizabeth Said:
on August 17, 2008 at 7:00 pm
I can relate. The only thing I can tell you is to take it one day at a time. Do what you think is best for your family, not what everyone else thinks is best for your family. I am learning to do this and it has done wonders for me. You CANNOT worry about what everyone else thinks you should be doing. Anyway, I love you and you know I am here for you.